Mindset Matters: Alleviating Everyday Stressors When Going Through a Divorce

Balancing life and your emotions while going through a divorce can be difficult.  Thriving after a divorce can be challenging.  Anything is possible, however, with the right mindset.  In the United States, half of all marriages will end in divorce.  The likelihood of divorce increases with each subsequent marriage.  Divorce is so common, (a divorce happens every 13 seconds). Yet, many experiencing divorce find it as a time marked with increased loneliness.

Divorce can trigger all sorts of volatile emotions: anger, self-blame, guilt, grief, shame and lowered self-esteem to name a few.  These emotions can be long-lasting.  The average time for divorce proceedings can take well over a year to complete.  At minimum, your most important and intimate relationship is ending.  Financial stressors can further complicate emotions.  Routine has been disrupted. And going through a divorce with children can add extra challenges to the mix.  With so much to navigate, it is important to find coping strategies that bring stability and peace to you every day.  Taking the time to think about the ways that you can take control over your situation with positive mindset and coping skills will help turn a difficult time into one which passes a bit easier. 

1. Build Your Support System: Having the right support system in place has so many positive benefits.  And you will need a strong support system to help you navigate through this difficult time. A support system can help you to vent your emotions. It can offer you guidance to help you determine best steps moving forward.  Trusted friends and family members can offer tremendous support, especially if they have experienced divorce themselves.  Group support can be an excellent option as well.  A support group will allow you to share what you are experiencing with others who are facing similar challenges. Support group member will listen empathically, being able to understand you and your experiences, without judgment.

2. Practice Self Care:  Taking time to nurture yourself physically and emotionally is important all the time.  It is especially important during challenging times when you are more apt to neglect your needs.  Strong emotions may leave you exhausted. You may be taking on more household responsibilities  leaving you less  time for self-care.  To make sure that you are prioritizing yourself, create a self-care calendar. A self-care calendar will remind you to prioritize you, even when life gets busy or challenging.  Taking care of yourself will not only make you feel better physically.  It will give you increased energy and mental clarity to handle what is a most difficult time in your life.  

3. Get Your Finances in Order:  Divorce can be expensive. Finances can add additional stressors to an already stressful situation. Having an understanding and knowledge of your financial situation is critical as you go through a divorce.  Taking the time to work through finances by creating new budgets can free up the space and energy to heal in the long run.  Research has shown that five years after divorce, 75% of individuals feel recovered from the emotional stressors, yet only, 65% feel recovered from the financial stressors. 

4. Change Your Mindset:   Learning to let go of difficult feelings pain that you are holding on to can be hard, but it is an important step toward healing.  Thinking positively and speaking positively will go a long way with regard to your own personal healing. You deserve a fresh start with a positive mindset.  Being stuck in the past will stop you from moving forward.  There are many excellent books out there that can help you clear your path to a new life.  Why not start with Brene Brown’s book:  The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.  Reading is an excellent way to “escape.”  And the added benefit is that every time you open a book you are listening to the other voices besides the ones just in your own head.

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